Character

For as long as I can remember, I have always been quick to anger. I have a bad habit of not thinking before I speak and it usually gets me into trouble. Last night we had a Bible Study at mine and my roommates' apartment (like we do every Sunday) and I decided I wanted to do a lesson on integrity. I had never lead a lesson before so it was a little nerve-wracking. It's something I've been thinking about for a while now though.

My brother and his girlfriend had a baby 8 months ago and he is the sweetest little thing I have ever seen. But unfortunately, like most relationships where they have a baby too young, my brother and this girl split up. At first it was a mutual break-up, but then she started getting nasty. She uses my nephew as a bargaining chip to hold over my brother's head. If he didn't pay her right away, she would neglect to let him see his son. If my brother did something she didn't like, she would make excuses to not let him see the baby. It was just increasingly getting worse until it got to a point where my brother decided to get the lawyers and the court involved.

If the courts don't decide in our favor, we may never see my brother's son again because that's how his mother would have it if it were up to her. I grew up not really knowing my extended family. My siblings and I would get gifts on Christmas and maybe a phone call here and there, but we never really saw each other. Occasionally if they were passing through Kansas on some vacation, they would stop by and stay a week. If we had the time and money we would occasionally drive out to the west coast to stay with them on our vacation. I think in my life though, I've only seen my extended family a couple of times. Anyway, the point being, I don't want my brother's son to grow up not knowing that his grandma, grandpa, and aunts on his dad's side of the family love him a lot.

Even though I have strong feelings of distaste for my nephew's mother (because of her words and actions toward my family), I still have to remember to do what is right and not be nasty to or when talking about her. She tells everyone who will listen how bad of a father my brother is and how he is never there for his son, even though she is the one who never lets my brother see his son. She recently just got married to a military guy after knowing him for less than two months (two months after splitting with my brother). I don't want to speculate, but I'm pretty sure the main reason is for his military benefits and his money. I can tell it's hard for my family to not respond in a nasty way, just like she is being nasty to us, but I think that the best thing to do is be the better person.

I think an important lesson I am learning from this situation is that being mean to or about a person who is being awful to you isn't the right thing to do. It's very hard for me to wrap my head around that sometimes because I hate seeing someone hurt the people I love so much, but it's something I need to constantly be conscious about. Thinking back to when I was a kid, my parents would always tell me to follow the Golden Rule, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". This is actually a great rule to live by, not only as kids but as adults too. No matter how much someone is hurting you or someone you love, lashing out at them is not the answer. In this situation, we have to be the best people we can be and leave it up to the courts to decide which side is right. I know my family is in the right, and from what I know about this girl she is wrong, but at the same time, I don't know the full story.

So the bottom line of this is that I'm working on my anger and my character. This situation sucks for my family and I but it's happening and sometimes you just have to suck it up and deal with it. Whenever you find yourself in a situation where you feel anger and resentment towards a person, remember that your character speaks a lot to the people who are around you. Reigning in your anger also helps with self-control, which is a good thing to have in some situations. Being a good person to the people who are hurting you or people you love speaks in volumes to people who are watching from the outside, especially if you are a Christian. The Bible tells us to love our enemies, even if it's hard. In the end God is the one who judges, we were just sent here to love.