True Love

I just spent the last hour or so on Pinterest, like I often do, and got to thinking about all of the pictures of couples. I usually just look under the "Popular" section because I never really have a specific thing I want to look at. A lot of the time there are hundreds and hundreds of pictures of engagement photos. I personally love photography so sometimes I'll look at the photos because they're cute, but the captions on the photos made me start thinking. Some of the captions read, "what a happy couple" or "cute pose, maybe something to use in the future". There was one that kind of actually made me a little mad. It said, "I wish I could have a relationship like these people". A relationship like what? Two people posing together in a picture? How do you know that they're actually happy?

I love things like Pinterest and whatnot, but it also makes me angry that people think being in love is all about posing cutely for a picture. Just because there is soft lighting, matching clothes, and smiles doesn't mean that they don't go through the same relationship struggles we all do. I think that some people don't understand that there is so much more to being in a relationship with someone than soft lighting and smiles. This just made me think of my sister's middle school friends who post pictures on Instagram and match a romantic quote to them. Sometimes I don't think they even understand...

Ever since I was little I have always been an avid reader. My favorite types of books were (and still are) romantic comedies. I loved a good love story (CLARIFICATION: NOT FIFTY SHADES OF GREY TYPE OF LOVE STORY). My favorite author is Sophie Kinsella, because she's from England and also because she writes the most perfect love stories. Growing up I was never very popular, so I was basically invisible to guys (which I realize now that it was probably a good thing). I would always turn to a good book with a happy ending to make myself feel better and give myself hope about love. I loved reading these books, but it made it harder for me to realize that they're not true. Love doesn't really happen like that. 

 The typical story line for a love story goes like this: girl is single, she does something in life and ends up meeting guy, they have a connection, they do stuff together, something happens where they break apart, then they realize that they love each other and live happily ever after. That's not really right... A lot of love stories have to do with "the spark". The moment where you see a person, or touch a person, and feel a connection and then you magically know that they're the one. I would love to believe in the spark, it's so romantic, but I'm a realist. I know that's not how it happens (maybe sometimes, but let's be practical). I don't believe in the spark, I believe in connection. Finding a person that you want to be with for the rest of your life shouldn't be about how you feel when you touch their hand for the first time, or when you first kiss. Sparks fade, connections don't.

Love should be about how a person makes you feel, period. You should be able to trust the person you're connecting with. You should be able to make memories with them. They won't judge you, they won't betray you, and they won't make you feel like crap all the time. I think the most important thing about making a relationship work (this even works with friendships!) is two people just trying to make the other person happy. If both of you are constantly lifting your other half up, then there's no way either of you can be let down. When you get into a relationship, you need to realize that it's not just you anymore. Instead of just thinking about yourself, there are two people you need to think about; yourself and your partner. If relationships are going to work, there is no room for selfishness (which is something I STRUGGLE with (sorry Tyler)).

I honestly didn't intend for this post to turn into relationship advice, but I think it kind of is... Keep in mind that I probably suck at being in a relationship. I think I'm actually terrible at it. But we just need to remember that one of the most important things in a relationship is COMMUNICATION. Now, I bet any girls reading this are like "I keep telling my boyfriend that he needs to communicate with me more but he doesn't listen". (I know I have. (Sorry again Tyler)). Maybe the other person in this relationship is communicating, you are just too busy yelling at them to realize it. Another important thing in relationships is observation (this goes for girls and guys AND even two friends). As much as some people like to hide their feelings or emotions, humans aren't made of stone. It's not too hard to see a person's reaction to things by just watching them. So maybe instead of expecting the other person to know you and have them do all the work, try shutting your mouth and watching them for once. I bet you $10 you'll learn something new. 

I know I keep talking mainly about dating relationships, but all of this pertains to friendships, or just everyday encounters with people, too. I had a friend who was really selfish and everything revolved around her and her feelings. If she was angry she would expect you to be angry, if she was happy then she'd expect you to be happy with her. If you weren't happy, then there was a good chance that she was going to get mad at you. I spent almost seven years riding that emotional roller-coaster until one day I just couldn't do it anymore. Instead of being a good friend and asking what was wrong, she decided that I was too much of a burden to be friends with anymore. Imagine that. 

Anyway, what I'm saying is that if you're ever going to succeed in making connections with people, then you need to put aside your wants and needs and make sure the other person is happy before you are. If they do that same exact thing to you, then you achieve what I believe is true love.