Do you ever feel like you're just stuck in the same place? I feel that way all the time. I'm a sophomore in college and I know what I'm supposed to be working toward, but I feel like it's so far out of my grasp still. I feel like I'm just spending most of my time waiting around for things to happen so I can do the things that I want.
Right now I have to wait to get my degree while I go through these stupid entry level classes that I've already taken before but K-State won't accept them as credits. I'm waiting for when I can graduate college so I can actually start my career and do the things I love. I'm waiting until after college to get married because I'm too young. I'm waiting to move out until I graduate college because I'm too poor to afford it right now.
I feel like a lot of my waiting has to do with depression too. If you've read some of my past blog posts you know that I struggle with depression and anxiety. I have a mental state of fear of leaving town. I can hardly go anywhere without getting sick. So I'm waiting for the day that my brain will stop being stupid and I can live my normal life again. I'm constantly waiting for the day when I can feel like myself and don't have to rely on medication to make me feel better.
I'm waiting for my age to catch up with my maturity. People act like something is wrong with me because I'm in college but I don't like to party. I'm also waiting for people to act like adults. A lot of people I know are so caught up in themselves. I'm just waiting for them to realize that they're adults and they need to act like it.
Is it cheesy to say I'm just waiting for the world to change? I hate everything that is happening to our society. People tell me that I (and my generation) have the power to change things. But how? Maybe I'm waiting for that to be revealed to me.
Maybe waiting is a good thing. It does teach one to be patient. But at the same time, it's a bad thing. Instead of focusing on the things I should be enjoying now while I'm young, I keep focusing on the future and waiting for better things to come along.
Waiting for things sucks.
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Monday, August 10, 2015
A New Beginning
It's almost been an entire year since my college experience fiasco. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, let me fill you in. On August 18, 2014 I moved to a different town to attend college. I was excited at first, because this particular college is supposed to have one of the best art programs in the state. My high school art teacher attended this school and told me about all of the wonderful people she met there. My friend who was also planning to major in art was attending this college as well, and we were going to be roommates. After we got moved in and settled, my parents said their goodbyes and left. That's when the dread set in.
I'm fairly certain that almost all college students who have to start life in a different town know what I'm talking about. It's a real change to be uprooted and expected to start your life somewhere completely new and pretty much alone at first. The school I was at was a fairly small school in a small rural town. The number of attending students was somewhere around 3,000. After moving in, we still had a full week until classes actually started. We went to all of the back to school barbecues and ice cream socials that were being held on campus. I even met a few people that were pretty cool. The dining hall food was decent, and my roommate and I had made our dorm room comfortable, so sleeping was fine at first.
I used to have problems being away from home when I was little. When I was in girl scouts I hated going on camping trips because I could never sleep. Sometimes I even struggled to stay overnight at close friends' houses. After a while I went on more trips and got used to it. When I got into high school I would go on week-long trips with my church youth group at least twice a year and loved it.
Anyway, back to the story. So the first couple of days were decent at college. We learned our way around campus and found where all of our classes would be, but at the same time I was sort of starting to get this weird feeling in my stomach. I basically started calling my mom at least twice a day, and Skyped Sharon and my boyfriend all the time. After classes officially started I had to start waking up early again. I didn't really like my classes because I had taken them all before in high school. They put me in basic art classes, even though I finished my senior year in AP Studio Art. I was taking basic level geography and psychology classes. It's obviously what is expected of first year college students, but still, I didn't really like it.
I started feeling extremely depressed all the time. I felt almost like I had been removed from my life and I had to watch everyone that I was close to carry on with their lives without me. Every time I got on Facebook or Twitter I would see pictures of people I knew from high school smiling with their new college friends and having a great time while I was holed up in my dorm room watching HGTV. It's not that I didn't want to go out and meet new people, but I'm not good at talking to people at all. So I just gave up really quickly. My stomach started constantly feeling like it was in knots and I completely lost my appetite. I started not sleeping at night too. Basically everything made me burst out in tears because I was so exhausted and felt terrible all the time. I constantly called my mom and just cried about everything (sorry mom). For about a week I didn't sleep much and hardly ate anything except the occasional granola bar.
My mom tried to make me feel better by telling me about her college experience and how she was alone at first, but ended up making friends. But to me it just felt impossible. Eventually I think she got tired of my incessant crying and told me to visit the campus psychiatrist. I've never done anything like that before, so it was really strange to sit in a dimly lit room on a couch pouring out my emotions to a stranger. She asked me questions and decided that I was just homesick (duh), which didn't exactly help my state of not eating or sleeping. It had gotten to the point where I pretty much threw up anything that I ate.
My mom tired again by telling me to go to the campus medical center and see what they had to say. I made an appointment and went the next day, because at that point I really just wanted to sleep (oh yeah, classes were going on while all of this was happening. So that sucked). So I saw the doctor, who was this really sweet lady. She had me take a couple of psychological tests and decided that I had severe anxiety and depression. She told me that as of that moment, she would either give me a prescription of Valium or she would request to medically withdraw me from school and send me home. She said that if I were her daughter, she wouldn't want me walking around campus and trying to pay attention in class while on Valium. I agreed. So I called my mom and told her the situation, which she was not very happy about, but she understood that it would probably be for the best that I just came home. That same day I filled out the papers to get my money back, moved my stuff out of my dorm, and drove home.
At first, when I got back home, I was kind of ashamed. My parents had put a lot of dedication and money into me going away to college. Even though I got my tuition and housing money back, we still had bought all new things for my dorm room and things like that. It was a little embarrassing to explain to people why I wasn't away at college like I was supposed to be. I still was having trouble eating and sleeping normally after I got back home. I took a lot of Tylenol pm just to get me through the night. I had been home for a few weeks and I still couldn't eat real meals. In the time that I was away at school I had lost around 20 pounds.
My mom and I finally decided that it would probably be best to go see my actual doctor and see if something was medically wrong with me. He told me basically the same thing that the last doctor had said, but he was going to run some tests to make sure that nothing medically was wrong. Over the next couple of months I had been poked and prodded with needles and scanned many, many times. They tested my blood and my thyroid. They did an ultrasound to make sure my liver, gall bladder, pancreas, and kidneys were all working properly. Nothing seemed to be physically wrong with me, but my doctor wasn't convinced that my only problems were anxiety and depression. They did one final test to check my esophagus. I had to drink that disgusting barium drink and they did an x-ray, finding that my sphincter wasn't working properly. Basically, the sphincter is a valve at the end of your esophagus that opens and closes allowing food and drink to pass through. A malfunctioning sphincter is the main cause of acid reflux. So that was it. I just had acid reflux, easy fix right?
So I go back to the doctor and he prescribes me some medication. It ended up being the absolute worst medication known to man. The first day I took it, I felt horrible. Every time I stood up I thought I was going to pass out. I thought it would get better the more I took it. On the second day of taking it, I had to work 8 hours. It was awful. That night I slept for thirty minutes. The third day of taking it, my vision started getting blurry and and I was exhausted. That night I slept for an hour. After that I decided that this drug was the devil himself and I stopped taking it all together. I couldn't hardly keep myself standing upright, I couldn't see anything. My heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. That night I slept for two hours.
That next day I went back to my doctor and told him that I refused to take this medicine anymore. He told me that if I was having such severe side effects, it's probably for the best. He prescribed me some Xanax to help me get some real sleep. He also told me that he had the test results back from my x-ray. He told me that I have gastro-intestinal reflux disease and one of the worst cases of acid reflux that he had ever seen. Basically, my options were to take an anxiety medicine or to get surgery that had about an 80% chance of actually working and then would wear off in about five years. I opted to take the medicine, since the reflux seemed to be the worst when I was stressed.
While dealing with that, I had to be taking classes in order to keep the government issued subsidized loan I won from an essay contest. So I decided the best thing to do was to take online classes since K-State's semester had already started and I didn't want to be behind. I started classes with Highland, who offered eight week courses. I ended up taking 52 credit hours in a year through them, which was really cool because I got all of my general education classes out of the way (plus it was waaaaay cheaper). I got a really cool job working at a gallery, which is basically my dream job. So things are finally starting to look up. Now, almost a year later, I will be starting taking classes at Kansas State University in a couple of weeks. I currently live at home, which is fine because I don't have to pay extra money for an apartment.
After all of that being said, I have a few words for the incoming freshmen and future college students. First, you need to think really hard about your college choices. Don't go to a college because that's where your friends are going. Don't go because that's where your parents want you to go. Go to a college that you honestly feel is the right fit for you. Do your research and have actual reasons as to why you want to go to college there (hopefully not because it's one of the top party colleges in the country). Second, if you're away at college and feel like you can't find friends or you are homesick, don't be afraid to talk to someone about it. Everyone goes through it at some point. It's best to let other people know how you are feeling so they can help you instead of you trying to deal with it yourself. I've been told that college will be the best years of your life. I'm still trying to figure that out, but I really feel that leaving the last college and starting over was the best thing to do for me. College is also a time of finding yourself. Going through this has revealed some things about myself and qualities that I possess that I would have never known if I hadn't gone through this experience. It was rough at times, but I'm definitely excited for this new beginning.
I'm fairly certain that almost all college students who have to start life in a different town know what I'm talking about. It's a real change to be uprooted and expected to start your life somewhere completely new and pretty much alone at first. The school I was at was a fairly small school in a small rural town. The number of attending students was somewhere around 3,000. After moving in, we still had a full week until classes actually started. We went to all of the back to school barbecues and ice cream socials that were being held on campus. I even met a few people that were pretty cool. The dining hall food was decent, and my roommate and I had made our dorm room comfortable, so sleeping was fine at first.
I used to have problems being away from home when I was little. When I was in girl scouts I hated going on camping trips because I could never sleep. Sometimes I even struggled to stay overnight at close friends' houses. After a while I went on more trips and got used to it. When I got into high school I would go on week-long trips with my church youth group at least twice a year and loved it.
Anyway, back to the story. So the first couple of days were decent at college. We learned our way around campus and found where all of our classes would be, but at the same time I was sort of starting to get this weird feeling in my stomach. I basically started calling my mom at least twice a day, and Skyped Sharon and my boyfriend all the time. After classes officially started I had to start waking up early again. I didn't really like my classes because I had taken them all before in high school. They put me in basic art classes, even though I finished my senior year in AP Studio Art. I was taking basic level geography and psychology classes. It's obviously what is expected of first year college students, but still, I didn't really like it.
I started feeling extremely depressed all the time. I felt almost like I had been removed from my life and I had to watch everyone that I was close to carry on with their lives without me. Every time I got on Facebook or Twitter I would see pictures of people I knew from high school smiling with their new college friends and having a great time while I was holed up in my dorm room watching HGTV. It's not that I didn't want to go out and meet new people, but I'm not good at talking to people at all. So I just gave up really quickly. My stomach started constantly feeling like it was in knots and I completely lost my appetite. I started not sleeping at night too. Basically everything made me burst out in tears because I was so exhausted and felt terrible all the time. I constantly called my mom and just cried about everything (sorry mom). For about a week I didn't sleep much and hardly ate anything except the occasional granola bar.
My mom tried to make me feel better by telling me about her college experience and how she was alone at first, but ended up making friends. But to me it just felt impossible. Eventually I think she got tired of my incessant crying and told me to visit the campus psychiatrist. I've never done anything like that before, so it was really strange to sit in a dimly lit room on a couch pouring out my emotions to a stranger. She asked me questions and decided that I was just homesick (duh), which didn't exactly help my state of not eating or sleeping. It had gotten to the point where I pretty much threw up anything that I ate.
My mom tired again by telling me to go to the campus medical center and see what they had to say. I made an appointment and went the next day, because at that point I really just wanted to sleep (oh yeah, classes were going on while all of this was happening. So that sucked). So I saw the doctor, who was this really sweet lady. She had me take a couple of psychological tests and decided that I had severe anxiety and depression. She told me that as of that moment, she would either give me a prescription of Valium or she would request to medically withdraw me from school and send me home. She said that if I were her daughter, she wouldn't want me walking around campus and trying to pay attention in class while on Valium. I agreed. So I called my mom and told her the situation, which she was not very happy about, but she understood that it would probably be for the best that I just came home. That same day I filled out the papers to get my money back, moved my stuff out of my dorm, and drove home.
At first, when I got back home, I was kind of ashamed. My parents had put a lot of dedication and money into me going away to college. Even though I got my tuition and housing money back, we still had bought all new things for my dorm room and things like that. It was a little embarrassing to explain to people why I wasn't away at college like I was supposed to be. I still was having trouble eating and sleeping normally after I got back home. I took a lot of Tylenol pm just to get me through the night. I had been home for a few weeks and I still couldn't eat real meals. In the time that I was away at school I had lost around 20 pounds.
My mom and I finally decided that it would probably be best to go see my actual doctor and see if something was medically wrong with me. He told me basically the same thing that the last doctor had said, but he was going to run some tests to make sure that nothing medically was wrong. Over the next couple of months I had been poked and prodded with needles and scanned many, many times. They tested my blood and my thyroid. They did an ultrasound to make sure my liver, gall bladder, pancreas, and kidneys were all working properly. Nothing seemed to be physically wrong with me, but my doctor wasn't convinced that my only problems were anxiety and depression. They did one final test to check my esophagus. I had to drink that disgusting barium drink and they did an x-ray, finding that my sphincter wasn't working properly. Basically, the sphincter is a valve at the end of your esophagus that opens and closes allowing food and drink to pass through. A malfunctioning sphincter is the main cause of acid reflux. So that was it. I just had acid reflux, easy fix right?
So I go back to the doctor and he prescribes me some medication. It ended up being the absolute worst medication known to man. The first day I took it, I felt horrible. Every time I stood up I thought I was going to pass out. I thought it would get better the more I took it. On the second day of taking it, I had to work 8 hours. It was awful. That night I slept for thirty minutes. The third day of taking it, my vision started getting blurry and and I was exhausted. That night I slept for an hour. After that I decided that this drug was the devil himself and I stopped taking it all together. I couldn't hardly keep myself standing upright, I couldn't see anything. My heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. That night I slept for two hours.
That next day I went back to my doctor and told him that I refused to take this medicine anymore. He told me that if I was having such severe side effects, it's probably for the best. He prescribed me some Xanax to help me get some real sleep. He also told me that he had the test results back from my x-ray. He told me that I have gastro-intestinal reflux disease and one of the worst cases of acid reflux that he had ever seen. Basically, my options were to take an anxiety medicine or to get surgery that had about an 80% chance of actually working and then would wear off in about five years. I opted to take the medicine, since the reflux seemed to be the worst when I was stressed.
While dealing with that, I had to be taking classes in order to keep the government issued subsidized loan I won from an essay contest. So I decided the best thing to do was to take online classes since K-State's semester had already started and I didn't want to be behind. I started classes with Highland, who offered eight week courses. I ended up taking 52 credit hours in a year through them, which was really cool because I got all of my general education classes out of the way (plus it was waaaaay cheaper). I got a really cool job working at a gallery, which is basically my dream job. So things are finally starting to look up. Now, almost a year later, I will be starting taking classes at Kansas State University in a couple of weeks. I currently live at home, which is fine because I don't have to pay extra money for an apartment.
After all of that being said, I have a few words for the incoming freshmen and future college students. First, you need to think really hard about your college choices. Don't go to a college because that's where your friends are going. Don't go because that's where your parents want you to go. Go to a college that you honestly feel is the right fit for you. Do your research and have actual reasons as to why you want to go to college there (hopefully not because it's one of the top party colleges in the country). Second, if you're away at college and feel like you can't find friends or you are homesick, don't be afraid to talk to someone about it. Everyone goes through it at some point. It's best to let other people know how you are feeling so they can help you instead of you trying to deal with it yourself. I've been told that college will be the best years of your life. I'm still trying to figure that out, but I really feel that leaving the last college and starting over was the best thing to do for me. College is also a time of finding yourself. Going through this has revealed some things about myself and qualities that I possess that I would have never known if I hadn't gone through this experience. It was rough at times, but I'm definitely excited for this new beginning.
Sunday, April 12, 2015
American Priorities
American society has certain things that are "the norm" when it comes to priorities. In this post I'm going to take those "norms" and call BS on them. I believe that society should be built upon the foundations of education and security. Knowledge is one of the only things in this world that is never-ending. You could have all of the money, possessions, and power in the world and they will still always be material things. Knowledge is the one thing that you can always strive for more of. The more you learn, the more questions and possibilities open up leading you to obtain even more knowledge. As far as security, I mean feeling safe in my own home. It is a city's (state, town, whatever) job to ensure the security and safety of the people that live there. Focusing on the pursuit of knowledge instead of the pursuit of power is what will make a difference in our society.
The thing that bothers me about the town I live in (Manhattan, Kansas) is the fact that we are willing to pay millions of dollars to our college football coach (notice I said college, not even professional) instead of investing our money in things that actually matter. Before I wrote this blog I did a little research on Bill Snyder. He's actually a pretty stand-up guy. I read an article about how he disagreed with the direction that sports are going today. How it's not so much about the sports or the players as much as it is about the money and the media. I agreed with everything he said, but he didn't exactly put his foot down and try to do anything about it. Maybe he's gotten too comfortable with his 2.8 million dollar salary. The thing about the building of the stadium is that it was pretty much purely donations from all of these wealthy people who reside in Manhattan and are advocates of K-State football. This is totally fine, I'm glad people are donating their money to provide better facilities for K-State, but in all reality football does not make the world go 'round. Why can't people be donating millions of dollars to elementary schools to ensure that the children of today's generation are getting a proper education?
I was reading the local newspaper this morning and they wrote a story comparing the salaries of the area's best-compensated workers. Bill Snyder is at the top of the list with around 2.8 million dollars a year. Some more city employees included the superintendent of USD 383, who makes around 300K a year. Also on the list were the salaries for the Chief of the Fire Department and the Director of the Riley County Police Department, whose salaries both were under $150,000 a year. Manhattan is more focused on idolizing a college football coach than they are on the security and education of their citizens. Why is it that the average teacher's salary is less than $50,000 a year. The people who have gone to school to provide education to society's children are getting paid about 56 times less than the head coach of a college football team.
Another thing that I absolutely cannot believe is that Kansas has the nerve to cut funding for education. Education is the absolute foundation of society. Without education and the pursuit of knowledge, we would all still be in the Stone Ages. Elementary and High Schools are struggling to pay teacher's salaries and provide kids with the proper materials to ensure that they get a good education. Brownback is taking 44.5 million dollars from education funding to "help patch a budget hole blamed on deep income tax reductions". It's not our fault that our government keeps digging themselves a hole of debt. Why on earth would you try to fix it by taking money out of the single most important factor of society. Without elementary and secondary education, there would be no need for college. People like Bill Snyder wouldn't even have a job because there would be no one to play on his team.
Also, since these budget cuts are happening, this means that college tuition is going to sky-rocket. Most people can hardly afford to go to college in the first place? Why on earth is the solution to our debt problem to force students to pay thousands and thousands of dollars to "help get out of this debt" just to force debt on these students? Pretty soon we're just going to be right back where we were hundreds of years ago when only the rich could go to college. We get told time and time again that it is absolutely essential that we go to college so we can be successful in our careers. When we go to pre-school we are taught things that will help us in elementary school. In elementary school, we are taught things that are relevant in middle school. In middle school we are prepared for high school, and then in high school we are told that we have to do well in order to make it to college and go on to get a solid career. At this point in time you can get the highest grades and work harder than anyone else, but if you can't pay for college you either are the lucky few to get scholarships or you are forced to take out money and then pay back student loans for the rest of your life.
This country has become so consumed in money that it has clouded our vision of the American Dream. I don't mean to sound cheesy, but it's honestly true. Fifty years ago, the vision of every American was to get an education, land a successful career, and then be able to provide for their family. The American Dream is about ownership and success. The dream is to own a car, a house, and still be able to provide comfort and material possessions for your family. Now, people don't really believe in that anymore. Why buy a car when you can take public transportation? Why buy a house when you could just rent?
These things are all happening and there are little efforts for them to be changed. Since when has it become the norm to accept the fact that our children may not be able to go to school? Why is it a priority in America to idolize something so material as college football. When did it become okay to set restrictions on knowledge instead of encouraging people to strive for prosperity? My parents always told me to do my best in life and strive for success. Success for me is to have a career that I love, being able to buy a house of my own, and to raise a family in a comfortable environment. My vision of success has been fueled by my education. I want my children to have the same education and vision of success that I did. Society has clouded views on what its "norms" are. Do not take away our dreams and replace them with mediocre thoughts of "I can't go into this career because I am not rich enough, smart enough (insert "____ enough") or "I can't get an education because I don't have the means to pay for it". If you take away our education, you're taking away the foundations of society. If you prioritize pointless pass-times over the success of this generation, you will find yourself regretting it in the future. All I'm saying is put your money, time, and focus into what counts and that will undeniably help our country prosper.
The thing that bothers me about the town I live in (Manhattan, Kansas) is the fact that we are willing to pay millions of dollars to our college football coach (notice I said college, not even professional) instead of investing our money in things that actually matter. Before I wrote this blog I did a little research on Bill Snyder. He's actually a pretty stand-up guy. I read an article about how he disagreed with the direction that sports are going today. How it's not so much about the sports or the players as much as it is about the money and the media. I agreed with everything he said, but he didn't exactly put his foot down and try to do anything about it. Maybe he's gotten too comfortable with his 2.8 million dollar salary. The thing about the building of the stadium is that it was pretty much purely donations from all of these wealthy people who reside in Manhattan and are advocates of K-State football. This is totally fine, I'm glad people are donating their money to provide better facilities for K-State, but in all reality football does not make the world go 'round. Why can't people be donating millions of dollars to elementary schools to ensure that the children of today's generation are getting a proper education?
I was reading the local newspaper this morning and they wrote a story comparing the salaries of the area's best-compensated workers. Bill Snyder is at the top of the list with around 2.8 million dollars a year. Some more city employees included the superintendent of USD 383, who makes around 300K a year. Also on the list were the salaries for the Chief of the Fire Department and the Director of the Riley County Police Department, whose salaries both were under $150,000 a year. Manhattan is more focused on idolizing a college football coach than they are on the security and education of their citizens. Why is it that the average teacher's salary is less than $50,000 a year. The people who have gone to school to provide education to society's children are getting paid about 56 times less than the head coach of a college football team.
Another thing that I absolutely cannot believe is that Kansas has the nerve to cut funding for education. Education is the absolute foundation of society. Without education and the pursuit of knowledge, we would all still be in the Stone Ages. Elementary and High Schools are struggling to pay teacher's salaries and provide kids with the proper materials to ensure that they get a good education. Brownback is taking 44.5 million dollars from education funding to "help patch a budget hole blamed on deep income tax reductions". It's not our fault that our government keeps digging themselves a hole of debt. Why on earth would you try to fix it by taking money out of the single most important factor of society. Without elementary and secondary education, there would be no need for college. People like Bill Snyder wouldn't even have a job because there would be no one to play on his team.
Also, since these budget cuts are happening, this means that college tuition is going to sky-rocket. Most people can hardly afford to go to college in the first place? Why on earth is the solution to our debt problem to force students to pay thousands and thousands of dollars to "help get out of this debt" just to force debt on these students? Pretty soon we're just going to be right back where we were hundreds of years ago when only the rich could go to college. We get told time and time again that it is absolutely essential that we go to college so we can be successful in our careers. When we go to pre-school we are taught things that will help us in elementary school. In elementary school, we are taught things that are relevant in middle school. In middle school we are prepared for high school, and then in high school we are told that we have to do well in order to make it to college and go on to get a solid career. At this point in time you can get the highest grades and work harder than anyone else, but if you can't pay for college you either are the lucky few to get scholarships or you are forced to take out money and then pay back student loans for the rest of your life.
This country has become so consumed in money that it has clouded our vision of the American Dream. I don't mean to sound cheesy, but it's honestly true. Fifty years ago, the vision of every American was to get an education, land a successful career, and then be able to provide for their family. The American Dream is about ownership and success. The dream is to own a car, a house, and still be able to provide comfort and material possessions for your family. Now, people don't really believe in that anymore. Why buy a car when you can take public transportation? Why buy a house when you could just rent?
These things are all happening and there are little efforts for them to be changed. Since when has it become the norm to accept the fact that our children may not be able to go to school? Why is it a priority in America to idolize something so material as college football. When did it become okay to set restrictions on knowledge instead of encouraging people to strive for prosperity? My parents always told me to do my best in life and strive for success. Success for me is to have a career that I love, being able to buy a house of my own, and to raise a family in a comfortable environment. My vision of success has been fueled by my education. I want my children to have the same education and vision of success that I did. Society has clouded views on what its "norms" are. Do not take away our dreams and replace them with mediocre thoughts of "I can't go into this career because I am not rich enough, smart enough (insert "____ enough") or "I can't get an education because I don't have the means to pay for it". If you take away our education, you're taking away the foundations of society. If you prioritize pointless pass-times over the success of this generation, you will find yourself regretting it in the future. All I'm saying is put your money, time, and focus into what counts and that will undeniably help our country prosper.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
True Love
I just spent the last hour or so on Pinterest, like I often do, and got to thinking about all of the pictures of couples. I usually just look under the "Popular" section because I never really have a specific thing I want to look at. A lot of the time there are hundreds and hundreds of pictures of engagement photos. I personally love photography so sometimes I'll look at the photos because they're cute, but the captions on the photos made me start thinking. Some of the captions read, "what a happy couple" or "cute pose, maybe something to use in the future". There was one that kind of actually made me a little mad. It said, "I wish I could have a relationship like these people". A relationship like what? Two people posing together in a picture? How do you know that they're actually happy?
I love things like Pinterest and whatnot, but it also makes me angry that people think being in love is all about posing cutely for a picture. Just because there is soft lighting, matching clothes, and smiles doesn't mean that they don't go through the same relationship struggles we all do. I think that some people don't understand that there is so much more to being in a relationship with someone than soft lighting and smiles. This just made me think of my sister's middle school friends who post pictures on Instagram and match a romantic quote to them. Sometimes I don't think they even understand...
Ever since I was little I have always been an avid reader. My favorite types of books were (and still are) romantic comedies. I loved a good love story (CLARIFICATION: NOT FIFTY SHADES OF GREY TYPE OF LOVE STORY). My favorite author is Sophie Kinsella, because she's from England and also because she writes the most perfect love stories. Growing up I was never very popular, so I was basically invisible to guys (which I realize now that it was probably a good thing). I would always turn to a good book with a happy ending to make myself feel better and give myself hope about love. I loved reading these books, but it made it harder for me to realize that they're not true. Love doesn't really happen like that.
The typical story line for a love story goes like this: girl is single, she does something in life and ends up meeting guy, they have a connection, they do stuff together, something happens where they break apart, then they realize that they love each other and live happily ever after. That's not really right... A lot of love stories have to do with "the spark". The moment where you see a person, or touch a person, and feel a connection and then you magically know that they're the one. I would love to believe in the spark, it's so romantic, but I'm a realist. I know that's not how it happens (maybe sometimes, but let's be practical). I don't believe in the spark, I believe in connection. Finding a person that you want to be with for the rest of your life shouldn't be about how you feel when you touch their hand for the first time, or when you first kiss. Sparks fade, connections don't.
Love should be about how a person makes you feel, period. You should be able to trust the person you're connecting with. You should be able to make memories with them. They won't judge you, they won't betray you, and they won't make you feel like crap all the time. I think the most important thing about making a relationship work (this even works with friendships!) is two people just trying to make the other person happy. If both of you are constantly lifting your other half up, then there's no way either of you can be let down. When you get into a relationship, you need to realize that it's not just you anymore. Instead of just thinking about yourself, there are two people you need to think about; yourself and your partner. If relationships are going to work, there is no room for selfishness (which is something I STRUGGLE with (sorry Tyler)).
I honestly didn't intend for this post to turn into relationship advice, but I think it kind of is... Keep in mind that I probably suck at being in a relationship. I think I'm actually terrible at it. But we just need to remember that one of the most important things in a relationship is COMMUNICATION. Now, I bet any girls reading this are like "I keep telling my boyfriend that he needs to communicate with me more but he doesn't listen". (I know I have. (Sorry again Tyler)). Maybe the other person in this relationship is communicating, you are just too busy yelling at them to realize it. Another important thing in relationships is observation (this goes for girls and guys AND even two friends). As much as some people like to hide their feelings or emotions, humans aren't made of stone. It's not too hard to see a person's reaction to things by just watching them. So maybe instead of expecting the other person to know you and have them do all the work, try shutting your mouth and watching them for once. I bet you $10 you'll learn something new.
I know I keep talking mainly about dating relationships, but all of this pertains to friendships, or just everyday encounters with people, too. I had a friend who was really selfish and everything revolved around her and her feelings. If she was angry she would expect you to be angry, if she was happy then she'd expect you to be happy with her. If you weren't happy, then there was a good chance that she was going to get mad at you. I spent almost seven years riding that emotional roller-coaster until one day I just couldn't do it anymore. Instead of being a good friend and asking what was wrong, she decided that I was too much of a burden to be friends with anymore. Imagine that.
Anyway, what I'm saying is that if you're ever going to succeed in making connections with people, then you need to put aside your wants and needs and make sure the other person is happy before you are. If they do that same exact thing to you, then you achieve what I believe is true love.
I love things like Pinterest and whatnot, but it also makes me angry that people think being in love is all about posing cutely for a picture. Just because there is soft lighting, matching clothes, and smiles doesn't mean that they don't go through the same relationship struggles we all do. I think that some people don't understand that there is so much more to being in a relationship with someone than soft lighting and smiles. This just made me think of my sister's middle school friends who post pictures on Instagram and match a romantic quote to them. Sometimes I don't think they even understand...
Ever since I was little I have always been an avid reader. My favorite types of books were (and still are) romantic comedies. I loved a good love story (CLARIFICATION: NOT FIFTY SHADES OF GREY TYPE OF LOVE STORY). My favorite author is Sophie Kinsella, because she's from England and also because she writes the most perfect love stories. Growing up I was never very popular, so I was basically invisible to guys (which I realize now that it was probably a good thing). I would always turn to a good book with a happy ending to make myself feel better and give myself hope about love. I loved reading these books, but it made it harder for me to realize that they're not true. Love doesn't really happen like that.
The typical story line for a love story goes like this: girl is single, she does something in life and ends up meeting guy, they have a connection, they do stuff together, something happens where they break apart, then they realize that they love each other and live happily ever after. That's not really right... A lot of love stories have to do with "the spark". The moment where you see a person, or touch a person, and feel a connection and then you magically know that they're the one. I would love to believe in the spark, it's so romantic, but I'm a realist. I know that's not how it happens (maybe sometimes, but let's be practical). I don't believe in the spark, I believe in connection. Finding a person that you want to be with for the rest of your life shouldn't be about how you feel when you touch their hand for the first time, or when you first kiss. Sparks fade, connections don't.
Love should be about how a person makes you feel, period. You should be able to trust the person you're connecting with. You should be able to make memories with them. They won't judge you, they won't betray you, and they won't make you feel like crap all the time. I think the most important thing about making a relationship work (this even works with friendships!) is two people just trying to make the other person happy. If both of you are constantly lifting your other half up, then there's no way either of you can be let down. When you get into a relationship, you need to realize that it's not just you anymore. Instead of just thinking about yourself, there are two people you need to think about; yourself and your partner. If relationships are going to work, there is no room for selfishness (which is something I STRUGGLE with (sorry Tyler)).
I honestly didn't intend for this post to turn into relationship advice, but I think it kind of is... Keep in mind that I probably suck at being in a relationship. I think I'm actually terrible at it. But we just need to remember that one of the most important things in a relationship is COMMUNICATION. Now, I bet any girls reading this are like "I keep telling my boyfriend that he needs to communicate with me more but he doesn't listen". (I know I have. (Sorry again Tyler)). Maybe the other person in this relationship is communicating, you are just too busy yelling at them to realize it. Another important thing in relationships is observation (this goes for girls and guys AND even two friends). As much as some people like to hide their feelings or emotions, humans aren't made of stone. It's not too hard to see a person's reaction to things by just watching them. So maybe instead of expecting the other person to know you and have them do all the work, try shutting your mouth and watching them for once. I bet you $10 you'll learn something new.
I know I keep talking mainly about dating relationships, but all of this pertains to friendships, or just everyday encounters with people, too. I had a friend who was really selfish and everything revolved around her and her feelings. If she was angry she would expect you to be angry, if she was happy then she'd expect you to be happy with her. If you weren't happy, then there was a good chance that she was going to get mad at you. I spent almost seven years riding that emotional roller-coaster until one day I just couldn't do it anymore. Instead of being a good friend and asking what was wrong, she decided that I was too much of a burden to be friends with anymore. Imagine that.
Anyway, what I'm saying is that if you're ever going to succeed in making connections with people, then you need to put aside your wants and needs and make sure the other person is happy before you are. If they do that same exact thing to you, then you achieve what I believe is true love.
Sunday, March 1, 2015
The Absence of Innocence
I always hated when older people talked amongst themselves about how this generation of young people is going to destroy society. I always thought that it was extremely dramatic. Now that I'm a little bit older (exiting my teenage years (finally)) I realized that these older people are right in a way. I don't think that all of the young people today are necessarily going to be the end of humanity, but I do think that things are definitely changing.
I don't want to make this post sound like I'm not a young person in this generation, but I feel like I've definitely taken a step back and have assessed the situation. I think one of the biggest things that kids fail to do today is not thinking about consequences. People think that they can just cruise through life and do whatever they want. I can't stress enough how important it is to think things through before doing them. I can honestly say that I've jumped into situations before that I definitely regret, but all we can do from there is to learn from our mistakes. I also think that there is a definite lack of respect between young people and their elders. Something that made me super angry in high school was when students would disrespect teachers. I think it's ridiculous that these kids thought it was okay to act like idiots and be awful students and classmates, just because their friends thought it was funny.
That was kind of a random tangent off of where I was going with this post. I actually have no idea where I'm going with this post...but I do know that something may be wrong with society. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that middle school aged kids (or YOUNGER!) should be walking around talking about drugs and sex. My sister comes home from school (she's in 8th grade) talking about her friends who do drugs or who's hooking up with who. I'm pretty sure that when I was in 8th grade I didn't even really understand what sex was. Because I was innocent and naïve (maybe more naïve than innocent...). But my point is that people should expect kids to be innocent. The problem with society and people today is that they're trying to force kids to grow up faster than they should.
I absolutely hate that clothing stores are mimicking adult women's clothing with little girls clothing. I'm pretty sure no six year old girl should be wearing a crop top and a skirt around. It's like society has forbidden young kids to go through their awkward stage in adolescence. My awkward stage in middle school is what made me who I am today. I realized who were my real friends and I developed a look and lifestyle that Ii could call my own. My sister is now the same age as I was when I went through my awkward stage, but she's trying so hard to be like every other girl out there and it makes me sad. She tries to be like all of her friends and have that certain look to make her seem older. They all shop at adult stores (like freaking Victoria's Secret. I STILL don't even shop there) and try to act so much older than they really are.
I wish that society would bring back the awkward stage and push girls to realize they shouldn't have to act like they're older than they are. Kids need to learn to accept themselves as people before they are released into the world, or else this will just be a never-ending cycle. I think preserving a child's innocence is so important. It not only protects them from the world until they can mature into their own person, but it also allows them to learn from their mistakes without being made fun of or told that they should try to act like an adult. Childhood is the part of life where kids can grow and develop, it's not something that should be rushed or taken away from someone. Let kids be kids and they will grow up to be great adults.
I don't want to make this post sound like I'm not a young person in this generation, but I feel like I've definitely taken a step back and have assessed the situation. I think one of the biggest things that kids fail to do today is not thinking about consequences. People think that they can just cruise through life and do whatever they want. I can't stress enough how important it is to think things through before doing them. I can honestly say that I've jumped into situations before that I definitely regret, but all we can do from there is to learn from our mistakes. I also think that there is a definite lack of respect between young people and their elders. Something that made me super angry in high school was when students would disrespect teachers. I think it's ridiculous that these kids thought it was okay to act like idiots and be awful students and classmates, just because their friends thought it was funny.
That was kind of a random tangent off of where I was going with this post. I actually have no idea where I'm going with this post...but I do know that something may be wrong with society. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that middle school aged kids (or YOUNGER!) should be walking around talking about drugs and sex. My sister comes home from school (she's in 8th grade) talking about her friends who do drugs or who's hooking up with who. I'm pretty sure that when I was in 8th grade I didn't even really understand what sex was. Because I was innocent and naïve (maybe more naïve than innocent...). But my point is that people should expect kids to be innocent. The problem with society and people today is that they're trying to force kids to grow up faster than they should.
I absolutely hate that clothing stores are mimicking adult women's clothing with little girls clothing. I'm pretty sure no six year old girl should be wearing a crop top and a skirt around. It's like society has forbidden young kids to go through their awkward stage in adolescence. My awkward stage in middle school is what made me who I am today. I realized who were my real friends and I developed a look and lifestyle that Ii could call my own. My sister is now the same age as I was when I went through my awkward stage, but she's trying so hard to be like every other girl out there and it makes me sad. She tries to be like all of her friends and have that certain look to make her seem older. They all shop at adult stores (like freaking Victoria's Secret. I STILL don't even shop there) and try to act so much older than they really are.
I wish that society would bring back the awkward stage and push girls to realize they shouldn't have to act like they're older than they are. Kids need to learn to accept themselves as people before they are released into the world, or else this will just be a never-ending cycle. I think preserving a child's innocence is so important. It not only protects them from the world until they can mature into their own person, but it also allows them to learn from their mistakes without being made fun of or told that they should try to act like an adult. Childhood is the part of life where kids can grow and develop, it's not something that should be rushed or taken away from someone. Let kids be kids and they will grow up to be great adults.
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